Where there’s wealth, suffering is often just below the surface...
Imagine you’ve moved to a mountain town for the season.
You’re delighted by the adventurous community. Everyone’s immersed in Nature, going to concerts, and creating unique family memories. These people “get” how to live healthy, vibrant lives.
Before long, you see more. Impatience and frustration simmer at the restaurant. Families look bored and stressed while waiting for…something. Anger flares and is quickly covered up.
Once you make a few close friends, you realize there’s suffering all around. The middle aged woman who looks perpetually 29 secretly loathes herself. The cheery couple doting on their children are on the verge of divorce. The confident matriarch feels alone and unloved. The ambitious patriarch is self-absorbed and drinks too much.
...but it's hard to talk about.
Suffering is not a popular topic.
When someone is hurting, they don’t want others to know. It’s embarrassing, and even creates feelings of shame. “I have so many good things in my life, why can’t I be happy? What’s wrong with me?”
A tragedy of wealth is that it masks a paradox beneath the surface: within financial abundance is often a scarcity of connection, understanding, and love.
Ignoring this is a disservice to the individuals who are hurting.
A tragedy of wealth is that it masks a paradox beneath the surface: within financial abundance is often a scarcity of connection, understanding, and love.
A slow burn toward change
When a person with wealth is struggling, they tend to go through a phases before creating change:
- Ignore it. This is usually the first step. It’s understandable. We tell ourselves it’s just a passing storm and it will get better soon. This works for a while.
Things quietly become worse as we start to….
- Numb it: This is probably the most common approach. We numb difficult feelings with tech, gossip, vacationing, shopping, alcohol, etc. Wealth provides an endless array of ways to numb discomfort. That’s why so many people spend so long numbing out.
Eventually, the weight of reality forces us to…
- Name it: We secretly search the internet, hoping to find out “what’s wrong.” We disclose our feelings to someone who feels safe…a friend or a stranger or a housekeeper. We go to therapy, dig into the past, and hope to discover What Happened To Us.
Finalluy, we’ve had enough and are ready to…
- Change it. This tends to be the option of last resort. It’s least popular for many reasons. Changing the experience of suffering means changing ourselves. This is demanding work. We grasp onto our sorrow because it’s so familiar. Breaking free is like ending an addiction, it requires a change in identity.
Pile on the fact that not many people are skilled at helping. Even many licensed therapists end up prolonging the situation because they focus on diagnosis and treatment of disorders. This is vital for people with chemical dependency, trauma, or mental health conditions that leave them unable to function in daily life. But for people who are essentially well-but-suffering, what’s needed is to rediscover self-agency and self-trust.
Finding help that helps.
A good coach excels at the rediscovery of self-agency and self-trust. Coaches believe their clients are fundamentally “creative, resourceful and whole,” not broken. Our job is to help people reconnect with the wellbeing that is at their essence. We help people reclaim their own insight so they can take effective action.
When you work with a coach, you start to change things for the better. You rediscover that you are a creator.
I experience coaching itself as a creative act. It’s unpredictable, loving, humorous, profound, and improvisational. I’d love to offer you a complimentary coaching session so we can experience this together. No strings attached…just click here to schedule!
Meanwhile, may you be grounded, at ease, and connected to the life force that flows through you.
