An uncommon emotional and relational landscape
Wealth obviously brings many benefits and opportunities. It can also create a challenging emotional and relational landscape.
I have found that these challenges are commonly experienced but rarely acknowledged. They undermine the wellbeing of individuals and families, while affecting important relationships, professional lives, and community work. The good news is, it is possible to respond with groundedness, compassion, and insight. Learning to do this is the practice of joyful stewardship.
Below is a frank look at some common challenges that cause stress and emotional hardship in the context of wealth.
- Being able to afford to stay stuck
Everyone gets stuck and makes mistakes. This is life. This is how we develop as human beings.
Abundant financial resources make it easier to avoid dealing with life’s challenges. Wealth can be used to gloss-over challenges or make them “go away.” This perpetuates problems and undermines the opportunity to learn and grow.
And of course, they don’t really go away until truly resolved. They remain in the quiet of the heart, where they do harm by feeding the inner critic and harsh negative self-perceptions that haunt our thoughts.
2. Experiencing paradoxical self-doubt
Many people who live in a context of wealth are well-educated high-achievers. Yet there’s often an insatiable drive to prove one’s value. Although so much has been accomplished, it’s never enough. This results in a maxed-out schedule, weighty feelings of obligation, and searing imposter syndrome.
Somewhere beneath this grasping is an identity not defined wealth. How do you get to know that person? How do you learn to trust and love who you are, beyond the identity that wealth provides?
Somewhere beneath this grasping is an identity not defined wealth. How do you get to know that person? How do you learn to trust and love who you are, beyond the identity that wealth provides?
3. Relationships are complicated by money
Intimacy develops through authentic, trusting relationships. But wealth affects how one is treated by others. You receive extra attention from people attracted by, or resistant to, your perceived power. You are often the target of fundraising, networking, activism, and gossip.
- Friends and strangers seek your time and attention with ulterior (though not necessarily malicious) motives. They may believe you can lend them money, advance their career, or introduce them to decision-makers. All the attention can be overwhelming and difficult to manage
- You may become a target of political or personal grievances, based in the false belief that you ahave more power and influence than is true.
- Some may project that you are a benevolent authority figure who can solve their financial, emotional, or relational problems.
How do you know who you can really count on? Who is it safe to be your true self with?
The good news, it is possible to respond with groundedness, compassion, and insight. Learning to do this is the practice of joyful stewardship.
4. Family ties have long, financially-tangled strings
Maintaining family wealth is often viewed as a priority across generations. Thi is a laudable goal that has served families and society well. But financial success alone does not create family wellbeing.
Rigidity and control in the name of family legacy can do great harm to loving family relationships. Tensions arise between generations, who often have different visions for how to sustain and leverage family wealth. Within the same generation, dynamics like sibling rivalries, competitions for affection, and codependency can be played out through the “proxy wars” of access to, and control of, family resources.
How can a family nurture authentic and loving relationships through financial choices? How do you balance independence and loyalty, or responsibility to self and to the whole family?
5. Being seen as a savior or guardian angel
People project all kinds of assumptions onto wealth. Psychologically-speaking, projection is a defense mechanism where someone attributes internal concepts onto another person or group.
In the case of wealth, many people assume that if they had plenty of money, all their problems would be solved. When they meet someone in wealth, they believe (consciously or unconsciously) that this person can be a solution to their problems.
Interestingly, this doesn’t apply just to financial problems like debt. People in situations of wealth are sought as confidants for career advice, relationship counseling, health concerns, and various forms of emotional distress. It’s as though others assume money has purchased the answers to their life’s questions.
For a person who regularly seeks validation or approval (see #2 “paradoxal self-doubt above), this attention from others can lead to enmeshed relationships and “savior complex.”
6. Experiencing the world as big and small at once
